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Trudging

Walk with Jesus

The following post was written by my Uncle about a month after his wife Connie passed away.

Maybe the toughest day yet. When things are normal I am usually out of whack from a trip(Going to see his son graduate college in Colorado) like that and right now everything is magnified by 25 times. Emotions were in my throat all day ready to bust out at any moment. Got home from shopping about 7:30 feeling sad to the point of depression. The word that came to mind was trudging. Webster defines this as "a long tiring walk". Reminds me of the time Caleb and I hiked the Grand Canyon and we were cruising the first 12 miles, but the last three were straight up and all I could do was keep putting one foot in front of the other- trudging. It was hard mentally and physically to keep doing that. The good feelings of the first 12 miles were long gone. Yesterday was a day of trudging. That trip and all the firsts without Connie took its toll. Just one example of a first was gassing the car up and when i was cleaning the windshield i thought of the times i would do this and she would just smile at me the whole time. I would get back in the car and ask what she was doing - "checking you out". Crazy girl. I honestly can see how people give up and just not care anymore about anything. Before you all call me up I did not remain there. The rest of the night was better and I actually almost slept to my alarm- almost. So what changed? On the hike with Caleb he would travel up a couple of switchbacks and then wait for me. I would finally catch up and then he would go some more. The only problem with this is he got rest each time and I wasn't- dirty rat . The point was keep going to the next stop. Don't focus on the 3 miles to go just the next couple of switchbacks. The important thing is to have someone there to keep you going- even if it feels like he is a dirty rat! So last night went on a walk with Connie's bros and then just sat around with the boys watching "the proposal"- one of Connie's favorite movies, but that was fine because we could laugh together at the dumb parts.

The other thing that helped was I went back and read the blog my nephews had set up with all my posts. It was good to go back and read what God has been teaching me. "Remembering" is very biblical. God wants us to remember where He has taken us from. David had forgotten that God had taken him from watching the sheep to being king of all Israel, and when he sinned God reminded him of this. Or when the Israelites passed miraculously through the Red Sea and 3 days later are complaining about no food and water. They forgot what God had done. I have always taught the young marrieds about remembering when they were first dating and getting married, so when life happens and gets hard they remember how they got there together.1Chronicles 16:11-12 "Seek The Lord and His strength; seek His face continually. Remember His wonderful deeds which he has done, His marvels and the judgements from His mouth". We all have our days of trudging, but remembering that God is right there to give me His strength, and how He has already taken me far, I get back to level ground and out of the trudge. Less trudging today. Love you tons.

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Deut 8

11“Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today; 12 otherwise, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived in them, 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies, 14 then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God.....

-Eric House