John Piper wrote a book called "When I don't desire God: How to Fight for Joy." To be honest, I've never finished the book, but that title has always stuck out to me....How to Fight for Joy. It seems like those two things, fighting and joy, are opposites. I've been realizing more and more lately, however, that this is one of those paradoxes of following Jesus. I am naturally an anxious person who battles with depression, but lately things have seemed pretty hard. It seems I'm doing everything right: reading my Bible in the morning, praying throughout the day, trying to see my circumstances as God's loving hand, talking to some people about Jesus and etc....But, I'm still struggling. The only thing I can think of is that God wants me to fight for Joy because He's worth it. I certainly don't feel joyful. I mostly feel tired, unsuccessful in the mission, and a bit dismayed. What keeps going through my mind(besides the anxiousness) is the title of that book and the Spirit of God saying "Fight for Joy." Below is a list of verses that I've been using in my fight. I have committed most of them to word for word memory. I've been reciting them and a few others in my mind. My logic is that "Faith comes through hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ (Romans 10:17). I think God just wants me to not see with my eyes and hear with my ears. Please don't think I say a verse every time I struggle in my mind. I often give in to my feelings of anxiousness, but when I resolve to fight, here are a few of my arrows...

Psalm 16:8
"I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken."

Psalm 19:14
"Let the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

Psalm 20:7
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."

Isaiah 11:3
"And his delight shall be in the fear of the LORD.
He shall not judge by what his eyes see,
or decide disputes by what his ears hear,"

Isaiah 41:10
"Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you.
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

The last two I don't have memorized yet, but I will soon. I hope they help you like they are helping me.

Dear Lord,
Please help me to continue to fight for joy.
Please cause me to see Jesus as worth the battle.
Please show me the way I should go.
Please make me bold.
Please allow me to experience you more because of this time of my life.
Thank you for loving me through it all.
Amen.

Travis